Ooto… or out of the office. Many may think I am one lucky fuck to be at home during this heatwave but believe me it’s not all fun and games. Today I wanted to clear the (m)issues way I am ooto!
So for the past weeks I had some major breakdowns at work. I have been dealing with a lot of issues and last week I noticed that my body was getting closer and closer to being burned out.
Ever since the start of May I have been receiving “complaints” on myself from my bosses. Complaints about my behavior, my personality and my “negative” mind. Mind how I put it all between those little “thingies”.
Offcourse when you are put down several times you start to get demotivated, tired, nervous, anxious and stressed out. I was scared, scared to do anything because everything I did was wrong. I was scared to open my mounth. Scared to speak up. Scared to do my job. Scared to make mistakes and in the end even scared to breathe.
I was always stressed. Why? Because they kept on pushing me and never gave me clear “solutions”. I received the information that I had to proof myself in June. But I could no longer proof myself. I was tired. Tired of fighting every single week. Tired of being told that nobody likes me. Tired of it all.
So the last time I broke down I knew in my heart that I had to go to the doctor. The last week I suffered from multilple headaches, backpain and even my kidneys started to act up. I went to the doctor.
Entering his office felt like the biggest fear ever that float away. He listened, understood, did not judge and wanted to give me the rest I needed. He even told me to stay at home much longer. I called my boss and put on my out of the office.
So for those who wonder… I am currently ooto because I was told every week what a pain in the ass I was. I was going towards a burnout and did not want to end in another depression. I put my health first this time.
Secondly. I am already scared of going back. Because I know they will no appreciate what I did here.
This is the story. This is the reality in certain jobs. We are not bulletproof, we are not robots. Some of us are emotional, caring and need more rest. I do want to work, but I don’t need to hear why I suck as a person each week.
Ooto till 3/07
who knows what happens then.