Back to reality

Hi Guys, today is the last day of my ooto and I feel nausea, scared, stressed and just a bit not ready to go back. The anxiety monster is slowly taking over. When all I want to do is go back to bed and cry a little… I do try to fight the monster and try to have a positive vibe today. Not really easy, back to reality it is.

Back to reality: the job

I guess I was always a little more sensitive than normal people. But what scares me most is that I am absolutely not ready yet. Go back to the 9 to 5 regime. I need my freedom, unfortunately it is something that my current job does not offer. Not being able to fit in some appointments or holidays makes me rather anxious. It scares me to be stuck in routine and when they gave me a whole year planning I got really anxious. Seriously, I do not want to think ahead. I still dream about selling my home and become a freelance writer that travels the world.

wanderlust quote "I have an insane calling to be

it is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply

Back to reality: positivity

What scares me most is that people already told me that my “negativity” was no good. Well newsflash, I am very aware of this. No need to rub it in. Guess that’s another reason why I am scared to go back to reality. During these 14 weeks I found my positivity, I did not feel anxious at all. I had a bad day, but I tried to do everything to become positive. I could beat it all. I felt at peace. Peace with my current situation. That peace was a blessing. I could see a future, could handle it all. Going back to reality is scary.

self destruction by the brain

Guess I have to look for a job that I love doing. I am currently working on that last part. I need to figure out what I like doing and how I am going to make a fulltime living out of this :). The following picture describes perfect how I feel at my current job. Amazing really. Lucky I can see it from the funny side. They can try to knock me down, but I am fighting back.

677e29cae0a25a7c7ed035d8a381b017

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