Good morning not so much

Hi guys,

I just felt like sharing my emotions today. At 10h00 I will start my 7 weeks notice. I am both releaved and on a roller coaster.
My heart is happy to be gone at that place but acting normal and still do my best will be aweful!

I am stuck between just ignoring everything and breaking down on the floor. I do not want to have tears rolling down my face for this anymore. Heading back to this office just feels like the ultimate walk of shame that I have to do!

And I do not want that last part.
No head up high, put on lipstick and go. I just want to stay home and think about my future. Where to go and what to do.

Edit:
I came home, due to the emotions I had trouble eating, but my friend at work told me I should try something. She even baked me brownies. I could not imagine being more happy with the support of the co-workers. They show me that I was not wrong, that I should keep my head high!

It was the worst day, but the support and sweet words helped a lot. I am going to miss these people. This part is what makes it hard for me. Because I was actually accepted by many!

I look forward to finish this chapter and move on. I believe that a closing is always a new beginning. What this might be, I do not know yet. No intention to stay in the current field! I might be good at it, but I don't love it. In the future I want to enjoy work, not for just a few months but until I am 67. 😏

So how did you survive your monday?? Was it much fun?

Into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.

Hi guys, after some city-hopping I was actually glad to be home. No,  actually I was not happy to be home. It’s back to reality, I hate it. But I love the nature around my home. So today I went directly into the forest with my boyfriend. Why? To lose my mind and find my soul.

Into the forest for my workout

Working out in nature always feels so good. We went trailrunning for a few months, but my boyfriend got back-problems. I myself went over the top, injures my shins and was forced to cut back in my running schedule. Now I try to go for 7k or 8 k runs. Trying to go as much as possible in the woods.  Today it was too hot for a run so we went mountainbiking. It was the second time and I absolutely love it!

Into the forest, mountainbiking

Into the forest seems like a reward

I feel like I might have found a new sport to overcome summer. In winter I’m always snowboarding but in summer I feel rather lost. I love my workouts in solitude! No gym, no payments, no other people. Just me and the trees. Working out in nature has always felt more rewarding. Did you know it has more benefits than a normal gym workout.

Into the forest workout view

Benefits of a workout between the trees

The green landscape has the power to raise the serotonin level, increasing the level of well-being and lower depressions. When you work out in the sun you will have the daily dose of vitamine D your body needs. You might already guess it but there is more oxygen between the trees.

You might already guess the other reasons? No need to buy a membership each month. You can visit the forest for free, for a walk, a run, a bikeride or even yoga. No forest? Do your run, ride or yoga outside! Again, you will save money. Next up you don’t have to worry about others looking at you. No men pumping their muscles or girls that only weight 50kg. You can do it on your own, for yourself and at your own tempo. You can easily find great schedules online, so do not worry about progress.

Working out in this beautiful view will make you feel better, lose weight and sleep better! Yes please!

Do you workout in the gym? Or do you prefer an into the forest workout?

Random things that make me happy

Some people look for happiness in awkward, unreachable things. I try to find them more and more in every day things. Perhaps it’s my realistic side that overtakes my dramatic, romantic side. However I would dream about travelling the world, I lack money so unpossible right now. But this does not mean I wilo not stop dreaming.

Random things that make me happy:
1) the smell after rain
Oh dear god, how I missed that! It was hot and dry for such a long day. I absolutely forgot how amazing nature smells after a great amount of rain.
2) my cat that starts purring on my lap
Just because they are always happy when they see me. No matter what!

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3) coffee, tea and chocolate
How can you not like coffee or tea… in combination with a sweet piece of chocolate! If you want a break this is the combo! Oh and a muffin on special occassion. Absolutely love to just go for a coffee with a sweet thing.

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4) a long hot bath with loads of foam
Call it a moment for yourself. Call it a necessary thing. My tub I will never trade you for a shower!
5) running in the woods
Just because nature is such an important part of my life. I always feel better after a moment between the trees.

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6) new sheets that smell like powder washing soap
Oh dear heaven. Nothing is better as crawling in your bed with fresh sheets. If they are white and smell heavenly I almost feel like in an hotel! It puts a smile on my face.
7) hearing a song I love on the radio
And singing as hard and loud as possible. In public I will never sing, unless I am wasted. But I just get happy when I hear a song I love.
8) sleeping in
I love love love to sleep untill 8! At least. Waking up not having to do something in a hurry! L o v e it!
9) a great movie
Just putting on a regular movie and it turns out to be amazing!
10)having time to watch tv
In the evening, just being able to sit in my pj’s and enjoy some tv!

What are your favorite random facts that make you happy?

Do more of what makes you happy

Do more of what makes you happy. It might sound so easy, but it is actually one of the most hard things ever. For some people it is even more difficult. I am a very sensitive person, so I need to focus on the positive things that happen. It is also a mindset, learning to say no, learning to go for the happy you. And this is what I did this week.
A bit of things that make me real happy. They are not expensive, they are not things. Most of them are moments. Whenever I feel bad, I just have to make sure that I go for one of those and I can become happy again.

Running for happy

Yes running makes me happy. Working out actually is a great way of fighting a depression and it’s superhealthy. When I was at my worst I just ran too much. I went from 10 K to 15 k for 3 times each week. I overdid it. Now I try to go for more short runs combined with Yoga and a movie on the crosstrainer. I listen to my body. I do not want to be tired from running 15 K and still have to start on my day. My favorite motivation to go running? A great playlist, the fact that my body changes and the woods. I love to run in the woods and just relax.

Look how I could capture the Komorebi – the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees. It just really makes me happy.
Komorebi, a real nice view of a morning run that makes me happy

Oh and I love to work with Runkeeper. It’s free and you can keep track of your progress so easy. Seeing the progress is another thing that makes me real happy. And the workout-room is ready and light. I painted it entirely white. For a relaxing feeling and a more “spacious” feeling.

 

Food makes me happy

I sufferd from a real sore throat and could not manage to eat real food. I just went for icecream. Oh yes I did. Shame on me?! Not really, when you are sick calories don’t count. Actually food is another thing that makes me really happy. A coffee with my mom is another thing that I really love. She listens to me, when I told her all about my resent job-adventure. Read all about it here.  

Most of the time I focus on eating healthy but I do allow to treat myself. I had a time that I was mad at myself for eating sweets. But why should I. If you like something eat it. If you don’t like gaining weight, workout more.

 

Writing makes me happy

Do more of what makes you happy? I actually discovered that I love love love writing. Perhaps I should do it more often, as in, I have to find a job in which I can write. I guess it will not be easy. But I think it might be word to take the jump.

How do you try to make yourself happy?

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That was her magic, she could see the sun on the darkest days

Hi guys, after feeling bad for a few hours, like 24h or so, I decided to turn the page. Move on. I was fired yesterday and I cried a lot. I did not sleep and I did even wanted just to lay in bed all day. But somehow people reminded me of my magic. I used to be a real happy kiddo. All smiles, positive, rarely complaining. Somebody told me to search for the sun and I remembered.

That was her magic, she could see the sun on the darkest days.

No matter how hard it is to start over again, at least in a few weeks, I am still amazing! I can do amazing things. I am sweet, caring, I had friends at work. Although they wanted me to believe different. All the sweet words learned me that I was a pleasant person. Always laughing. And I don’t want them to take away my laugh!

So here I am, while I write this I am working out on my crosstrainer thinking about my fresh start. It will not be easy, but I will try. It’s not my fault that it did not work out at my current job. Because honestly when you act shitty to me, chances are high that I might start to do the same.

What goes around comes around.

And I want positive things to happen. So I will focus on a positive mindset. I will laugh, I will heal and I will find a new goal in life! My life can only become more amazing! Ha you might think I am too positive right now, perhaps. But I am done crying!

Oh and if I have a bad moment, I go for a walk, a run or a bike ride. Into the woods, where I can find my mojo again.

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Kippenvel

Van een heerlijk lied.
Van een mooie film.
Soms gewoon spontaan,
Omdat het kan.
Omdat ik snel iets voel.

Kippenvel.
Het doet me iets.
Ik voel veel.
En het doet soms goed.

Goosebumps,

A beautiful song,
An amazing movie.
From nothing important.
Just because I can.
Because I feel so much.

Goosebumps,
The world touches meW
I feel a lot.
And it feels fine.

Back to reality

Hi Guys, today is the last day of my ooto and I feel nausea, scared, stressed and just a bit not ready to go back. The anxiety monster is slowly taking over. When all I want to do is go back to bed and cry a little… I do try to fight the monster and try to have a positive vibe today. Not really easy, back to reality it is.

Back to reality: the job

I guess I was always a little more sensitive than normal people. But what scares me most is that I am absolutely not ready yet. Go back to the 9 to 5 regime. I need my freedom, unfortunately it is something that my current job does not offer. Not being able to fit in some appointments or holidays makes me rather anxious. It scares me to be stuck in routine and when they gave me a whole year planning I got really anxious. Seriously, I do not want to think ahead. I still dream about selling my home and become a freelance writer that travels the world.

wanderlust quote "I have an insane calling to be

it is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply

Back to reality: positivity

What scares me most is that people already told me that my “negativity” was no good. Well newsflash, I am very aware of this. No need to rub it in. Guess that’s another reason why I am scared to go back to reality. During these 14 weeks I found my positivity, I did not feel anxious at all. I had a bad day, but I tried to do everything to become positive. I could beat it all. I felt at peace. Peace with my current situation. That peace was a blessing. I could see a future, could handle it all. Going back to reality is scary.

self destruction by the brain

Guess I have to look for a job that I love doing. I am currently working on that last part. I need to figure out what I like doing and how I am going to make a fulltime living out of this :). The following picture describes perfect how I feel at my current job. Amazing really. Lucky I can see it from the funny side. They can try to knock me down, but I am fighting back.

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